Why Is Figuring Life Out in Your Twenties So Challenging?

Growing up, I looked forward to entering my twenties. I looked forward to newfound freedom and exploring the world. I imagined that I would go out every weekend, travel the world, and meet the love of my life. Upon reaching my twenties, I realized that was all a dream. And it would remain a dream for the foreseeable future. 

I thought I would prove my family wrong and have everything figured out while they doubted my perseverance. I would have my own car and my own home. Again, I was sadly mistaken. I learned very quickly that my twenties would be filled with nothing but hard lessons, tears, sleepless nights, and tons of personal doubt. Nothing went the way I had expected.

My mental health alone drained so much of my energy that all I could do was go to work and go home. Not to mention, the cost of living skyrocketed as soon as I entered what I now call “Pre-Adulthood”. Just my luck. 

I know I’m not the only one who excitedly ran towards adulthood, only to have the wind knocked out of them. It’s a truly humbling experience. I felt embarrassed now that I had to tuck my tail between my legs and admit defeat. They were right. I was not prepared for what the world had in store for me. The thing is, my experience has been worse than what they could’ve possibly imagined.

I’ve struggled with mental health my entire life. I never understood why I got so scared of new experiences or became irritable and sad and hopeless randomly. It wasn’t until high school where I got my diagnosis. While it felt nice to have a cause for my moods and experiences, I also felt even worse. There was truly something wrong with me and it couldn’t be fixed. Sure, the meds worked for a bit, but there was no real cure to my depression, ADHD, and anxiety. 

So, I went through the already turbulent years of being a teen with even more baggage. I missed out on a lot of key experiences that my friends got to have because I was so far gone in my own mind. I felt left out and like I was being left behind while they all got to live the lives they deserved. That feeling caused me to spiral and I felt like no one would care if I wasn’t around anymore. For years, I contemplated suicide and whether I could actually go through with it. Ultimately, I didn’t or I wouldn’t be here to talk to you today.

So, what do you do when your twentieth birthday comes but you’d never imagined making it to see that day? You wing it. You smile. You laugh. You go through the motions. You avoid all questions asking about your plans for your future, because you never truly had any. Sorry, that got dark fast. But it’s my story, and I hope that these words can encourage people like me to continue the endless uphill battle that we call life.

Now I’m here. 23, without a single idea of what it is I want to do for the rest of my life or how to even make that decision. I’m constantly grasping at nothing, hoping the answer will just fall in my lap. I’m sure you’re wondering why I made this blog if I don’t even have the answers for myself? The truth is, this is a part of me grasping at something and hoping it’ll stick. It’s also a way for me to hold myself accountable on my journey to becoming a better me. Which brings me to my main point.

We don’t have to have everything figured out yet. We’re baby adults truly seeing life for what it is for the first time. No one has all of the answers. Not our parents, grandparents, or anyone. Everyone is constantly learning in this forever evolving world. Older generations give advice based on their experiences and while that is nice sometimes, I wish they’d understand that the world we’re in now is drastically different from the world they grew up in. 

Think about it, our generation has been exposed to so much more at an early age than our parents could even comprehend. 2 girls 1 cup anyone? Or perhaps, Kik messenger? Not to mention being aware of the social and political state of the world. We have a lot on our plates and I don’t think they understand just how mentally exhausting it is to be so aware of everything at one time. 

Let me get back on topic. As baby adults, it is only natural that these years are used to figure things out on our own. Not just career related things, but personal things as well. This is our time to truly get to know ourselves at our core and make mistakes we can learn from. Take me for example. I’ve been unemployed for months. I didn’t graduate high school (I’ll discuss that later) and never went to college. Do I regret that? Yes, but it’s also given me a new perspective on things.

We have nothing but time on our side right now. I know it may seem like you need to figure it all out but you don’t. We’re young and sometimes I think we forget that. We should be enjoying these years and taking things as they come. Not being in a rush to meet an imaginary deadline. So, slow down. Breathe. Remember that we are in charge of our own destiny. 

With that said, I encourage you to take this time to truly get to know yourself and figure out what it is you want out of life. Don’t worry, you don’t need to have an answer just yet. Just take the time to try new things and see what makes you happy. We are all on this journey together and one of the most important things we can do for each other is to give support. That’s why I made this blog. To build a community of people dealing with similar struggles so we can all show up for each other and remind each other that we got this. Because we do got this! I believe in every single one of you. And I hope you all believe in me too.